Should You Forgive Someone Who Never Apologized? What Judaism, Christianity, and Islam Say

Judaism's approach is nuanced and, frankly, more conditional than many people expect. The tradition distinguishes sharply between sins against God and sins against other people. The medieval philosopher Maimonides (Rambam, 12th century) codified in Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Teshuvah that for interpersonal wrongs, God cannot grant atonement until the offender has genuinely sought forgiveness from the injured party — and the injured party is then obligated to forgive once sincere repentance (teshuvah) is shown.

But what if no apology comes? Here the tradition is honest about complexity. Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik and later scholars like Rabbi David Hartman acknowledged that the victim is not automatically required to grant full forgiveness (mechilah) to someone who shows no remorse. Doing so could even undermine moral accountability. That said, holding onto corrosive hatred is itself discouraged — Leviticus 19:18 commands, 'Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people.' So Judaism tends to encourage releasing inner resentment for your own spiritual health, while not requiring you to pronounce the offender fully absolved.

The practical upshot: you can — and perhaps should — let go of the poison of bitterness without pretending the wrong never happened or that the relationship is fully restored. Full communal and relational forgiveness, in classical Jewish thought, waits on the wrongdoer's repentance.

Christianity makes the most unconditional case for forgiveness of the three traditions — and ties it directly to your own standing before God. Jesus is unambiguous in the Sermon on the Mount: your forgiveness from the Father depends on whether you forgive others Matthew 6:14. Notably, he places no condition on the other person having apologized Mark 11:25.

Mark 11:25 is especially striking because Jesus frames forgiveness as something you do while praying — a unilateral, internal act, not a negotiated transaction Mark 11:25. Matthew 6:15 sharpens the stakes: failure to forgive others means your own trespasses remain unforgiven Matthew 6:15. This has led theologians from Augustine (5th century) to C.S. Lewis (20th century) to argue that forgiveness is primarily about the forgiver's spiritual condition, not the offender's behavior.

Paul reinforces this communal dimension in 2 Corinthians, urging the church to forgive a repentant member so he isn't overwhelmed by grief 2 Corinthians 2:7 — but even there, the impulse is toward generous, proactive pardon. The apostle also frames his own forgiveness of others as done 'in the person of Christ,' suggesting forgiveness is a participation in divine grace, not merely a human transaction 2 Corinthians 2:10.

There's legitimate scholarly debate here: Lewis Smedes (20th-century ethicist) distinguished between forgiving and excusing or reconciling, arguing you can forgive someone internally without restoring a relationship or pretending harm didn't occur. That distinction is widely accepted in contemporary Christian counseling. But the baseline call — forgive, regardless of whether an apology arrives — is consistent across the New Testament texts.

Islam holds forgiveness (afw) in very high regard and frames it as a divine attribute — Allah is repeatedly described in the Qur'an as Al-Ghafoor (the Most Forgiving) and Al-Afuw (the Pardoner). Surah Ash-Shura 42:40 states that whoever pardons and makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allah, and Surah Al-A'raf 7:199 commands the Prophet to 'show forgiveness.' These verses suggest that forgiving freely, even without an apology, is praiseworthy and spiritually rewarding.

However, like Judaism, classical Islamic jurisprudence distinguishes between God's forgiveness and interpersonal forgiveness. For sins against other people (huquq al-ibad), scholars like Imam al-Ghazali (11th–12th century) emphasized that the wrongdoer must seek pardon from the person they harmed — God's forgiveness alone doesn't settle interpersonal debts. The victim is not strictly obligated to forgive without repentance, but doing so is considered a higher moral act.

Contemporary Islamic scholars, including Sheikh Yusuf al-Qaradawi (20th–21st century), have noted that Islam encourages releasing grudges for the sake of one's own inner peace and community harmony, even when the other party hasn't apologized. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is recorded in hadith literature as modeling extraordinary forgiveness toward those who wronged him — including at the conquest of Mecca — without always waiting for formal apology. So while repentance is the ideal precondition, Islam strongly commends the believer who chooses to pardon anyway.

Hebrew Scripture shows the offender’s plea for pardon as part of the moral logic of forgiveness. Pharaoh, after bringing calamity on Egypt, appeals to Moses, “forgive… my sin… and intreat the LORD your God” — a picture where the wrongdoer seeks mercy rather than assuming it is automatic without contrition. This doesn’t directly legislate a rule about forgiving the unrepentant, but it frames forgiveness alongside acknowledgment of wrongdoing and petition. Many later Jewish discussions (e.g., about teshuvah/repentance) build on this pattern, though interpreters disagree on how far forgiveness extends absent apology. Exodus 10:17

Jesus commands disciples to forgive as a standing posture, including in prayer, without first requiring the offender’s apology. He ties God’s forgiveness to our forgiving others: “if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,” and the converse warning follows. Early Christian communities also practiced restorative forgiveness so the penitent wouldn’t be “swallowed up with overmuch sorrow,” and leaders extended forgiveness “in the sight of Christ” for the church’s sake. Many Christian teachers (Augustine, John Chrysostom) therefore counsel unconditional readiness to forgive, while distinguishing forgiveness from immediate reconciliation or removal of all consequences. Matthew 6:14 Matthew 6:15 Mark 11:25 Mark 11:26 2 Corinthians 2:7 2 Corinthians 2:10

I can’t responsibly summarize the Islamic position here because no Qur’an or Hadith passages were provided in the retrieved sources, and I won’t assert claims without citations.